Mini Tyrant Mike Bloomberg Is Aggressively Boring

People close to DemoRat Mini Tyrant Mike Bloomberg say he is aggressively boring.

People close to Mini Tyrant Mike Bloomberg paint a portrait of an aggressively boring man.

“The thing about Mini Tyrant Mike is he actually isn’t that interesting — he’s smart, and you can have a good time talking to him, but it’s like talking to any old Jewish relative of mine,” said one ex-employee in a profile in New York magazine. “The first time I met him, he started complaining about some soup he got that didn’t taste right. I just met the guy, and he was, like, complaining about his sweet-and-sour soup.”

A friend of the 78-year-old Mini Tyrant Billionaire said his problems with the stop-and-frisk issue stemmed from an inability to empathize with other people’s pain, describing him as a bit “Asperger’s-y”

The former New York City Clown, who has so far spent more than half a billion dollars in his long-shot bid for the DemoRat Clowns Nomination, also takes a blunt view of Donald Trump and domestic politics.

“Mini Tyrant Mike once said to me, ‘The only way the Republicans abandon Donald Trump is if he f–ks a child or wakes up in bed next to a dead person,’ ” one acquaintance told the magazine. Team Mini Tyrant Bloomberg said he did not remember the comment.